Slide
by LxISxAxBABE
Summary: After the Cold War, damages are harder to fix then Alfred realized. Is it possible to win back someone you already tried to heal before?  Sorry, I suck at summaries... USxRussia, fluff.


Alfred

I was young; rather, I still am. I still didn't understand that everything I did warranted consequences. And I joined so many wars, and I caused so many problems, but nothing was as bad as what I did to the one man I really loved.

I had pulled him from depression, gave him love, gave him a reason to want to live. I was the only one to ever give him affection, to help him heal from the wounds inflicted by other countries. I had given him hope. Real hope. Tangible hope. And in such a short time, I had ruined it all and broke his heart again.

Ivan Braginski. I loved that man with all my heart. Yet though I claimed to trust him, a suspicion broke all of what I had spent so long building up with him. A suspicion brought about the Cold War. And when I was done, I realized how wrong I was, but it was too late to fix it.

I had seen him cry before, when we first began. He was still so hurt from everyone's wrongs. I had seen the pain in his eyes. I saw how his large frame trembled as crystal tears fell from pale eyelashes. When he cried, I held him and reassured him. I protected him from the world's damage. I promised never to hurt him again. I promised I was different than the European countries. He believed me. And after months, he finally opened up to me, he gave me everything. He trusted me, and he was finally healing in my arms. But I broke him again, without a thought of what would happen.

I tried to talk to him at the World Meetings, but he refused to speak to me. He refused to even look at me. I could see the sadness in his soft eyes, the hurt in his face. Every meeting, I would try to sit beside him, all in vain. Every meeting, I would rush to speak with him, and he would be gone before I could reach him. Once, I thought I saw a trace of a tear of his cheek, but I couldn't catch him before he disappeared. And I had been so wounded, but I knew it was nothing compared to what he was suffering.

No one asked why Ivan was so quiet, nor did they ask why I chased after him. Maybe they didn't know. Maybe they were being polite. Maybe they just didn't care. Everyone looked away as I called after him, as I ran toward him, as he disappeared through the door. Finally, I turned to Arthur, and I couldn't stop the tears forming in my eyes.

"Don't pretend you don't see this!" I shouted, "Don't pretend like it's not happening! Why don't you help me?" He gave me a stern look and walked away, and I collapsed to my knees, sobbing.

I tried to sit beside him again, but he chose a seat between Raivis and Toris. The former was trembling, but did not argue, and the latter pretended like he hadn't noticed the large man beside him. I sighed and sat beside Francis and my brother.

"Hi, Alfred," Matthew said softly, and I glanced up.

"Hey."

"What is bothering you, _chatton_?" Francis asked, turning to me with a sadistic twinkle in his eyes.

"Nothing," I replied coldly, letting my eyes shift to look at him for a moment before returning my gaze to the polished surface of the table. He looked taken aback.

"_Mon cher_, you don't need to treat me with such taciturnity!"

"I'm not in the mood for conversation, Francis," I said coolly, "I apologize if I'm not much entertainment."

"You so unlike yourself," he exclaimed, "What happened?"

"You know. You refused to help me with it since it began, so I don't feel like I should tell you." His face fell.

"Ah, I see... I'm sorry, _chatton_, but there's not much I can do-"

"I don't want to talk about it right now," I interrupted, "I'm sorry for my abruptness." He nodded, looking worried.

"I understand, _chatton_." Matthew looked at me carefully. I didn't want to snap at him; he was my brother, but I was so frustrated.

"Don't look at me," I said softly. He looked away.

"I'm sorry." Arthur took his seat, and with his words, the meeting commenced.

I don't remember much of what was going on, only hearing many different, enraged voices. Nothing made sense. I kept looking toward Ivan, but he never looked my way, and it hurt me so badly. Yet nothing I felt could compare to what he had felt.

"Well, seeing as everyone is a bit... _distracted_," Arthur said pointedly, and I looked up, "We'll resume after a dinner break. You're going to be here late, so I'll arrange for rooms. Find someone to room with, however; we have limited space. We'll regroup after an hour recess." I got up and hurried toward Ivan. He had hesitated for a moment, and that second gave me the time I needed to catch his sleeve.

"Ivan-"

"I do not want to talk to you."

"Will you room with me?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No." I felt my heart sink, but I held his sleeve tighter.

"_Please_." I was almost whimpering, my voice mere moments from cracking. He looked at me, and I locked onto his eyes.

"Please..."

"Fine." He looked down at my hand. "Release me now. I will not talk to you." I let him go, and he gave me a bitter look before turning and leaving. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I rubbed them away furiously. Why was I crying? He agreed to room with me. I could talk to him. Or at least try to reason with him.

"Alfred." I turned. Francis and Arthur were postured side-by-side, the latter looking a bit annoyed.

"What do you want?" I asked sharply.

"We wanted to know if-" Francis elbowed the other country pointedly and paused. Arthur cleared his throat and stared at me.

"Francis wanted to know if you would join us for dinner." I looked away, toward the door Ivan had exited through.

"He's not coming back, _chatton_," Francis said gently, "Come with us." I looked back for a second.

"I... I can't. Thank you, but no thanks." Arthur frowned.

"Just come on. Don't sulk like a child." My back stiffened.

"I'm going," I said softly. I began to walk away, but someone caught my sleeve.

"C'mon, you can drink where we're going," Arthur said, pulling me back, "Because you and I both know that's where you're going." I scowled but succumbed. I let the older nations lead me away, and when we reached the restaurant, I felt the magnetic pull of the bar and tried to drown my pain in anything _but_ alcohol.

* * *

Francis and Arthur brought me back to the meeting quickly, marveling.

"If there a reason you didn't touch a drop of liquor?" Francis asked, holding my arm gently, "May I ask?"

"... I didn't want to hurt my chances tonight," I confessed softly, "I'm... already trying to do the impossible, and... well, I'm afraid that if he saw me drunk... I would never get him back..." Francis smiled gently.

"You're determined," he mused, "He should see that and understand, if nothing else." I smiled painfully, silent. We entered the conference room, and Arthur disappeared to the head of the table, and Francis followed, like a puppy. I walked to my seat and sat. Matthew was there, staring at the table silently.

"You okay, Matt?" He looked up, and within seconds, I realized he was hammered.

"Hunh? Oh... Yeah... Fine," he said, then giggled.

"What the hell?"

"Hahaha... Gilbert came outta nowhere... and he wanted to go drinkin' with me, so... hahaha, *hic* he totally got wasted! It was funny to see him *hic* fall over his barstool... I think... do I think? I'm drunk too?"

"Yeah, you are... Don't talk in this part of the meeting."

"Why?"

"Because you want them to respect you, and if you sound smashed, they'll scorn you."

"Wha-?"

"Just be quiet for now," I said, and he nodded.

"Okay, Alfie." I shook my head and turned to the table.

"So I've noticed the increasing debt in all countries," Arthur began, and I glanced across toward Ivan. His face was stoic as ever, but was that a tinge of sadness in his eyes? I stared in vain, for he never looked up.

"Well... this was as productive as the first session," Arthur said, sounded frustrated, "But I don't think prolonging this would help anything. Let's consider this concluded. Dismissed." He turned, and there was a dull murmur about the room.

"Oh, also," Arthur said, and everyone fell silent, "I have the keys to the hotel rooms if you need them." I saw Ivan get up, and quickly, I rose to my feet. He glanced back at me but didn't say a word.

"May I have a key?" he asked Arthur. The blonde man nodded.

"Rooming with Alfred?"

"Merely because he sounded so pitiful," Ivan said coldly, shifting his eyes to focus on me. I forced myself not to react, and I saw Arthur's face fall for a split second.

"I see," he said simply, and Ivan turned. He began to walk away; I followed him closely.

"... You don't understand," he said sharply, not looking at me. He reached the door to our room and inserted the key.

"I do... I do, and I'm so sorry..."

"If you did, then you would know that sorry is not sufficient." He opened the door and entered the dim room.

"I know it isn't, Ivan. Please," I grabbed his arm, "Look at me. I would do anything-"

"Why should I give you such a privilege?" he growled darkly, jerking his arm away. He turned on the lights. There was two beds in the room, and he moved to the one on the right. I followed.

"I don't know what I can do," I whimpered, "I would do anything to fix it, anything..."

"It is beyond repair," he said bitterly, "Leave me alone now." I reached into my pocket hurriedly, fumbling about until my fingers closed around a cold metal rectangle.

"If you won't listen to me, at least... here." I tossed my Ipod onto the bed. "Listen to that. Please. I know you don't owe me anything, but... just please." I crumpled, but I wouldn't let myself cry. I trudged to my bed and lay down, staring at the ceiling.

_Please, god, just let him listen to them... I'll do anything to have him understand..._

Ivan

I heard the bedsprings creak as he went to his bed, and by chance, I noticed the small metal contraption he had left. I picked it up, and upon examination, realized it was his Ipod. The metal felt cold against my fingers. I glanced at him, but his eyes were locked on the plaster of the ceiling. He looked like he was about to burst into tears, but was restraining it. I turned back to the mechanism. Curiosity got the better of me, and I put the headphones in my ears.

It turned on when my fingertip brushed over the touchpad, and it was in already in Playlists. I was mildly surprised to see it was all in Russian. There was a playlist, already pre-highlighted, named 'For Ivan'. I snorted; did he think he could fix what he had done with a few songs? Regardless, I clicked it. The list was very long, I acknowledged. The first song, the first song... I clicked it, and, softly, the sound of an electric guitar began.

"...and we all see you cry; It makes me wanna die..." I crossed my arms loosely over my stomach and closed my eyes. It was just a song, just a song. He didn't write it himself, nor did he sing it. It was just an American attempt at apology. The final chord died away slowly, and the next song began.

"I think I've already lost you... Feels like your hand is on the door..."

"Don't know what'cha got... 'til it's gone..."

"You're my everything... you make me feel so alive... I miss the sound of your voice, the silence seems so loud..."

"You are... the only exception... You are... the only exception..."

"Please don't dwell on it... 'cause I didn't mean it!... I'd come- for you... but only if you told me to..."

"If you only knew... how many times I counted all the words that went wrong... If you only knew... how I refused to let you go even when you're gone..."

"Without you, one night, alone... it's like a year without you, baby, do you have a heart of stone? Without you, can't stop the hurt inside... when love and hate collide..."

"Times may change, love it comes and goes... how I wished I would have shown you how deep for you my love goes... and I know this might seem crazy, I would end my life for you... you know I don't want to... but I'd do it for you..."

"I've treated you bad, you bruised my face, couldn't love you more, you got a beautiful taste... don't let the days go by... Glycerin..."

"Still I run out of time or it's hard to get through... 'til the bird on the wire, flies me back to you... I just close my eyes, and whisper... 'Baby, blind love is true'..."

"I'm open, you're closed... I follow your go... I worry I won't see your face... light up again..."

"I thought the world had lost its sway... then I fell in love with you... and you took that away... You take away the old, show me the new, and I feel like I can fly when I stand next to you..."

"This is becoming a problem I'm hurting it's unfair...But somehow your words, the way that I heard are haunting me... You're under my skin... You're breaking in…"

"You will see as the mountains fall and turn to dust... and there's one thing that won't change...

I believe there is something within each of us that always stays... That will always remain... as long as love never fades..."

"And I'll do anything you ever dreamed to be complete... little pieces of the nothing- that fall! Put your arms around me; what you feel is what you are, and what you are is beautiful... Do you wanna get married, or run away...?"

When the music stopped, there were hot tears welling up in my eyes. With my wrist, I rubbed them away furiously but they came back, pouring down my cheeks. I looked toward Alfred, and he was still looking at the ceiling. I made a choked sound in the back of my throat and stood up. The bed creaked softly as I rose. He didn't even flinch, and I wiped my eyes like a child to hide my tears.

Alfred

I felt my bed sag and creak, and I glanced over. Ivan had sat at the edge of my bed, staring at me. His eyes were sparkling.

"Ivan..." He made a soft, strangled noise and rushed forward, wrapping his arms around me and burying his face in my chest, sobbing. I was startled, but I put my arms around him.

"It's okay, Ivan..." I murmured, rubbing his back. He squeezed my shirt tightly and quaked so violently, I feared he had snapped.

"Alfred...!" he wailed. I pulled him closer, embracing him, caressing his hair.

"Shh, it's alright, Ivan," I whispered, "What's wrong?" He didn't respond; instead, he pressed against me harder, knocking me onto my back, and he laid on me heavily.

"What do you want me to do, Ivan?" I asked softly, running my fingers through his hair.

"Just... don't let go..." he whimpered. I nodded.

"Of course, Ivan... I won't ever let go..." He looked up at me, his eyes red and swollen. I smiled gently and touched his cheek, and he leaned into my hand.

"Did... you really mean it?"

"Mean what?"

"The... the songs..." he replied quietly.

"Of course," I said, chuckling, "Why else would I want you to listen to them?" He nodded tearfully. I held him closer. Finally, I felt his heartbeat slow and his breathing return to normal.

"Can I sleep with you tonight?" he asked softly. I nodded.

"I was gonna ask you to," I said, grinning. His smile was weak, but it was still a smile. He looked up at me, his expression suddenly serious.

"That last song..." I looked down in moderate surprise.

"Yes...?"

"Did you mean that?"

"Mean what?"

"...Never mind." He blushed slightly; was this really my Ivan? I smiled and brushed his hair from his face. He was beautiful. I guess I was starting to look dopey, because he gave me a confused look.

"What is it?"

"Nothing," I said, chuckling. I nuzzled his forehead, and his cheeks took a soft, pinkish hue.

"Let's change," I urged gently. He nodded and got up. I got to my feet slowly and began to unbutton my shirt. He watched as I tossed it onto the floor.

"I've never seen you like this..." he said, and suddenly seemed self-conscious. I stopped unbuttoning my jeans and looked up.

"Hm?"

He looked at me for a split second before looking away, blushing. I glanced down at myself.

"Oh... sorry, I know... I've been trying to lose weight for a while, but nothing works..." I scowled at that bit of stomach fat that just- wouldn't- go- away.

"You are trying to lose weight?" Ivan turned back. "Why? There would be nothing left to you!" I shook my head.

"It's gross," I explained, pinching that layer of stubborn fat disgustedly.

"That is skin, silly!" he said, smiling. He took my wrist, and I realized it as he lifted my hand away.

"It's gross," I repeated.

"You are too self-conscious, da?" he said, "You do not need to lose any weight." I shook my head passionately.

"No! My weight, it just keeps going up and up-" He touched my arms.

"You are muscular, Alfred. You are strong, and that is where your weight is. Do not fret." I looked up, and he was smiling, though it seemed sad. I smiled.

"Alright. I believe you." He released my arms and turned. His scarf fell to the bed, exposing his pale neck. After a moment, he dropped his long jacket as well. I had only seen him without his coat once, and it still surprised me. He wore a white tee-shirt under his jacket, and dark pants. I tried not to stare as he peeled his shirt off, and I wrestled with my jeans to get them off. Finally, I stood in just my boxers, and my eyes caught a glimpse of my Ipod. I took it and set it on the nightstand. Then I sat down on the bed, watching Ivan undress. He had such a nice back, I mused, so toned and muscled... He slid his pants down, and I briefly admired his firm rear. He turned, and I smiled, trying to appear innocent.

"C'mon, or the bed's gonna get cold."

He nodded and approached. I squirmed under the covers and he joined me, putting his strong arms around me. I snuggled against his chest.

"You are really warm, Alfie," he said softly. I beamed and rested my cheek against his sternum.

"Thanks, Ivan... You are too..." I felt drowsy, yet I couldn't find the means to fall asleep. Soon, his grip slackened on me, and I heard his soft breathing. I sighed with relief. I had gotten my Ivan back... he trusted me again...

I made a vow then and there to always be allied with him, despite what happened, despite what the world turned to, despite all differences. I would never let him feel how he had. I would always be there, to be his teddy bear, to be his pillow, to be held, to be cried on, to accept his kisses and his rage. If he needed a punching bag, I would brace myself and bear it. If he needed a lover, I would obey gladly. If he just needed something to hold while he thought, I would learn to stop fidgeting so he could hold me. If he needed a therapist, hell, I'd take psychology for him! And yet it seemed like too little, but I didn't know how else I could help. He squeezed me a little in his sleep, and I moved closer to him.

"I love you, Ivan," I whispered, "I adore you. More than anything." I looked up at his serene face. "If you don't need me, I won't be upset. But I'll always be at your side while you still want me there. I promise." I reached up cautiously and place a tender kiss on his cheek. Then I snuggled against his chest and was finally carried into sleep.

OMAKE:

Ivan

The final song I had listened to became my favorite English song, and I listened to it everyday. Alfred visited me in Russia often, bringing some gift every time. It was sweet, and I kept them- all of them. My favorite was the bouquet of sunflowers he had picked for me. I kept them until they wilted and died.

"Do you want more sunflowers?" he asked, when he noticed that they were gone.

"You do not have to," I said. A bashful smile found on home on my face. He merely beamed.

"I want to! I like seeing your smile when you see them." I must have blushed, because he chuckled.

Then there was the day when he almost sprinted from the airport to my house.

"Ivan, Ivan!" And he stopped, hunching over to gasp in mouthfuls of air.

"What is wrong?" I asked. He looked up, his face red from exertion.

"I... listened to that song..." he panted. I led him inside and sat him down before going to fetch him a glass of water. He took it and gulped down half of it, before setting the glass down and trying to calm his breathing.

"Da?" I asked. He looked up, looking serious.

"I listened to that song... the last one, the one you asked about that night..." I was mildly surprised, and he got up.

"Ivan... I love you. I love you so much." He reached into his jacket and pulled out a small black box. I gasped, and he sunk to one knee while opening the box.

"Ivan Braginski... will you marry me?" My heart hammered in my chest.

"R-really?" I felt stinging tears in my eyes. He looked up, hopeful, and I couldn't help the tears that ran down my cheeks. The ring was absolutely beautiful, but I wouldn't learn that until after I sunk to my knees and threw my arms around him.

"Da, da, I will!" I sobbed. He put his hands on my cheeks and pulled me into a trembling kiss.

"I love you so much," he whispered, when we parted. I was still crying, and I kissed him again, briefly.

"I'm so happy..." I whimpered, "Thank you so much, Alfie... Oh my god..." He was beaming. His fingers fought with the box, and when he finally got it open, he carefully slid it over my ring finger.

"This is a bit unorthodox," he mused, admiring the flash of gold for a moment, "But then again, who the hell cares. I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and hell, if that's not right, they can blow it out their asses!" I laughed; I must have looked ridiculous, soaked in tears and grinning like a lunatic. He smiled too; was he relieved? Happy?

"Let's get married right away," he said softly, "Let's run away together. I don't care where, so long as it's with you." It was so touching, so heart-warming, and it brought forth a new bout of tears. I wiped my eyes on my sleeves.

"I love you, Ivan," he said, kissing my forehead tenderly. I looked past Texas, into his brilliant cerulean eyes, and for once, I finally felt safe. I finally felt like someone cared about me, and I finally had a home. I sighed happily and let him draw me into his soft arms.

"I love you too, Alfred."

A/N: I really like that story. :3 I'm a sucker for Alfred and Ivan! They're just so cute together~! *sighs* Please R&R, though I won't beg. Because we Americans don't beg! We're just heroes like that~! ;D

The songs on Ivan's playlist are as follows:

1. Sorry- Buckcherry

2. If You're Gone- Matchbox Twenty

3. Don't Know What You Got ('Til it's Gone)- Cinderella

4. If I Die Tomorrow- Motley Crue

5. The Only Exception- Paramore

6. I'd Come For You- Nickelback

7. If You Only Knew- Shinedown

8. When Love and Hate Collide- Def Leppard

9. Do It For You- Kid Rock

10. Glycerine- Bush

11. Bed of Roses- Hinder/Bon Jovi

12. Collide- Howie Day

13. Calling You - Blue October

14. I Hate This Song- Secondhand Serenade

15. Starlight- Slash feat. Myles Kennedy

16. Slide- Goo Goo Dolls


End file.
